


I'll Always Come Back To You

by Softlight



Category: Captive Prince - C. S. Pacat
Genre: Damen is too pure, Laurent is in pain and I should be more sorry than I am, M/M, anxiety attack, argument, hinted at depression, i think that covers it?, mention of past torture/scars, mentioned death of loved one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-25
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2018-08-11 00:41:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7868353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Softlight/pseuds/Softlight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been a year since Damen and Laurent first met, and Damen wants to celebrate.  Laurent does not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Always Come Back To You

**Author's Note:**

> Just a heads up, there could be some triggering thoughts in here for those who struggle with depression or anxiety. It's not a lot, but I don't want it to catch anyone by total surprise. Check the tags, but that's pretty much it. Please enjoy!

“Good morning,  _ lover _ ,” Laurent murmured, letting a small smile cross his face.  “Did you let me sleep in this morning?”  Damen smiled, greeting him by way of a gentle kiss.

“I think I’d be a shoddy husband if I didn’t let you do that every once in awhile,” he teased, gently poking him on the nose.  Laurent’s nose wrinkled, a blush creeping up on his cheeks.  “Do you know what today is?” 

Laurent yawned, stretching upwards.  “Thursday?” he replied sleepily, gently cracking his neck with a single stretch.

“Not just Thursday,” Damen said, softly planting another kiss on Laurent’s mouth.  He tasted of sweet oranges, and his lips were sticky from the fruit’s juices.  “It’s been a year since we first met.”  Laurent blinked once, twice.

“And?”

“And I thought we could celebrate.”  A third blink.

“Why the fuck do you want to celebrate that?”  

Damen’s easy smile flickered.  “I mean, it’s been a year, and we haven’t killed each other yet.  I think that feat alone is impressive,” he joked off awkwardly.  Laurent cleared his throat, unable to avoid the fact that there had been a time where they would have willingly killed one another.

“We  _ hated _ each other when we first met,” he protested, sitting up.  “You were a slave, and I actually wanted to kill you.  You really want to celebrate that?”  Damen bristled, but Laurent couldn’t stop his tongue.  “Because I sure as hell do not want to celebrate that,  _ Damianos _ .”  Damen winced, and Laurent dropped his gaze, guilt striking him.  “There are so many other, better things we could celebrate, Damen,” he said tiredly, as though he hadn’t just woken from a restful sleep.  “Why can’t we just celebrate the good things?”

“Can’t we take this as a good thing?” Damen argued, and the hot guilt in Laurent’s stomach began cramping.  He took Laurent’s hands, eyes shining bright.  “Look at how much we’ve changed, Laurent.  We went from hating each other to loving each other.  And it’s not like we can change the fact that we met that way, why not embrace it in the most positive way we can?”

“Celebrating it just seems to be a bit much, Damen.  I don’t know if I can- I mean, Damen- I wanted to  _ kill _ you,” he stressed, rubbing his temples.  

“You didn’t, and now you don’t want to kill me,” Damen responded quietly, rubbing the backs of Laurent’s hands with his thumbs.  “I want to celebrate who we are, what we’ve overcome; not who we were, or what we wanted back then.”

“How can you just let all of that go?” he asked, shifting.  Damen shrugged, a gentle smile on his open face.

“I just had to.  Living in the past is no way to live, but acknowledging the journey is still important.  We aren’t who we were, and are better off for it.”  Damen sighed, hands sliding up to grip his forearms.  “I want to celebrate the fact that you came into my life today, no matter the conditions, because you changed my life  _ for the better _ .  Meeting you has given me more happiness than I ever could’ve expected from life,” he admitted, Laurent’s stomach slowly unclenching.   _ You’ve made me happier than I ever dared to dream. _

“I don’t want to remember the dark, Damen.  I just want to remember the good times,” he said, voice shaking slightly.  “There’s just so much shit in our past, and I don’t want to force either of us to relive it.”   _ To force you to relive all the awful things I did and make you realize just that the man you love doesn’t deserve you in the slightest, that you deserve someone so much better than me- _

“Laurent,” Damen said, voice urgent.  “You’re shaking.”

“I hadn’t noticed,” he spat, eyes slowly clouding with tears.   _ Don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t- _

“Talk to me, love,” he whispered, brushing Laurent’s hair behind his ear.  “What’s going on in your head?”  Laurent buried his head in Damen’s shoulder, avoiding his eyes.

“Nothing,” he replied.   _ I don’t deserve you _ .

Damen’s hands started rubbing his back, and Laurent could hear Damen’s heartbeat increasing the longer he stayed crushing into his chest.  “Nothing?” Damen repeated lightly.  “That doesn’t sound like you.  Even dead asleep, you’re always plotting something.”  Laurent let out a small laugh.  

“You know me too well,” he whispered, tears beginning to sneak out the corners of his eyes.   _ Do not cry in front of Damen, you cannot do that, don’t burden him like that _ .

Damen was silent for a moment, simply taking the time to rub his back and gently play with his hair.  “If you want to keep it to yourself, that’s okay, but I don’t want you to feel like you can’t tell me things.  If-if you don’t want to celebrate today, that’s completely fine, and I won’t bring it up again.  I just had thought you might enjoy a little celebration, just the two of us.”   _ He’s too good for us. _

Laurent sat up, face red and teary.  “It’s not that,” he half-whispered, closing his eyes.   _ I don’t want to tell you and then have you realize that you don’t want damaged goods, realize that you don’t want me, realize all sorts of things that you haven’t realized because you’re a thick-headed, beautiful, idiot of an animal and I’m so in love with you that the thought of losing you breaks my heart in half. _

Damen’s brows were furrowed, completely enveloped in Laurent’s response.  “I don’t want to remember the bad things,” he said, looking at Damen’s hands.  “I don’t want you to have to think about that kind of stuff, because you’re like a fucking ray of sunshine, it doesn’t seem right to force you to relive everything you went through-”

“ _ We _ went through,” Damen corrected, tilting Laurent’s chin up to meet his eyes.  “We both went through Hell, Laurent.  And it was  _ my  _ idea to celebrate.  I  _ want _ to relive it because there is a silver lining, even in Hell, and if we focus on that we can continue on with our lives.”  He laced their hands together, eyes burning.  “ _ Together _ .”

“How can you relive everything and still want to be with me?” he asked brokenly, breathing heavily.  Damen’s eyes went soft, the corners of his mouth turning down.

“Laurent, how could I not want to be with you?” he asked, incredulous.  Laurent laughed, shaking his head.

“Do you want a list?” he asked dryly, only half-joking.  Damen shook his head, worry creeping into his gold eyes.

“Gods above, Laurent-  _ no _ .  I love you, and I don’t want to change that, and nothing can at this point.”  Laurent wrenched his hands away, backing away to the other side of the bed.

“I had you  _ whipped _ , Damen!” he hoarsely shouted, his hand hitting the back of the wall.  “How can you forgive that?”  Damen’s face broke out into pure pain, and the only sound in the room was the sound of his own ragged breathing.

“Every day, I ask myself how you could forgive me for Auguste,” he responded quietly.  “Every day, I wonder how you can stand looking at me, forget touching me.  And I know that you somehow did it.  Somehow you love me, despite my crimes against you.  And I don’t understand how you’re that forgiving.”  Tears began crowding his eyes once again.

“I don’t understand, but I know that you  _ are _ , Laurent.  And I just can’t- don’t, whatever- hold onto any resentment for what happened in Arles.  Is it a painful reminder, yes.  Is it something I wish hadn’t happened, yes.  But it did, and I can’t change that, and you can’t change that.”

“So I just accept it.  You love me, and I love you with all of my heart, and we’ve hurt each other.  But we forgive, and we help each other heal.  Isn’t that what loving someone is all about?” Damen asked, slowly drawing closer to Laurent.

“Yes,” he whispered.  Laurent let himself fall into Damen’s arms, holding him as tightly as he could.  “Yes, it is.”  Damen slowly smoothed Laurent’s hair down, stroking from the top of his head to the middle of his back.  It was an oddly calming gesture, perhaps for the both of them, he realized.

“I’m not going to leave you, or hate you, or anything like that.  I’ll get angry with you, and I’ll get upset, and so will you.  And that’s part of life, love.  But I love you, and that’s why I’ll always come back,” Damen cooed, cocking a small smile.  “And why I think you’ll always come back, too.”

Laurent gently slapped Damen’s side, a small laugh hiccuping out of his body.  “I love you, Damianos.  And I want-  _ I want _ to see the good in the past.  I want to  _ try _ , at the very least.”  His breath was ragged.  “I’m just  _ scared _ .”  

“I’d be worried if you weren’t,” Damen said, pressing a gentle kiss into his forehead.  “I’m scared too, and that’s fine.  So let’s just start small, and see what works.  How does that sound?”

“Good,” he admitted, lying against Damen’s chest.  “Very, very good.”

“Is having orange tarts for breakfast small enough?”

Laurent slowly pressed his lips to Damen’s once more, revelling in the gentleness with which Damen held him.   “It sounds perfect.”

**Author's Note:**

> That moment when all of Laurent's thoughts are actually your own and you're forcing emotions onto fictional characters again. :)


End file.
